Unsolicited

First things first, I pooped three times today.

And I told my husband.

Because our dirty talk has taken on whole new levels. It's now, quite literally, dirty. Filthy, even.

Moving forward, let me talk about something that has annoyed me since the second I told people I was pregnant.

Advice. Actually, to be more specific, I am referring to unsolicited advice.

"Get lots of sleep now! You won't get any when the baby comes."

"Don't eat x, y, and z." OR "Make sure you eat x, y, and z."

"Y'know, breastfeeding is best for baby."

"Enjoy every moment as it goes by so fast!"

Etc., etc.

Let's start this first by saying I am not the ungrateful bitch you are likely thinking I am.

A lot of the advice I have been given has been great. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the fact that other women out there are trying to help me in what has been, so far, an entirely foreign and scary process. Not scary in the sense that I spend every waking moment wondering if Cletus the Fetus is okay, but scary in the sense that I have gained 11 lbs, I eat enough carbs to sustain a small country, and I vomit at the thought of any red meat. SO MUCH FUN.

All I'm saying is that not everything that applies to one woman and her experience will apply to another.

So, let's get things straight, okay?

I'm going to breastfeed, so don't worry about asking me if I'm going to do "what's best for baby". Y'know what else? If breastfeeding proves to be unsuccessful, as it doesn't work for all women, I will make the choice to formula feed and I won't feel a single bit bad about it.

I understand the information and research that indicates that breastfeeding is best for the baby. I agree with it. But, I am also very aware that my baby isn't going to shrivel up and fail to thrive all because he/she didn't have breast milk. Furthermore, who am I to judge the decisions another mother makes if it in no way affects me or my child.

Let me just go ahead and say that the last statement I just made in no way reflects how I feel about anti-vaxxers and their decisions for their children. That's a whole other can of worms and that's a decision that CAN and MAY affect my child, so don't get me started.

The part about getting all the sleep you can get now before baby comes is laughable. You are aware that I could sleep for 12 hours a day, every day, until this child arrives and I would still be tired after continuous late night feedings and diaper changes, right? Okay, perfect. I'm glad we got that one straightened out. So stop saying it. Now.

Any type of health related advice is also unnecessary. Want to know why? Because I have a doctor. When I have questions that pertain to my health and my well being, I ask my doctor. That guy who completed umpteen years of schooling and has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive. Yeah, I trust him. I trust him when he tells me I can continue with the physical activity I have been doing. I trust him when he says my blood pressure is a little high and we should monitor it. I then trust him when he says my blood pressure has returned to normal. I trust him when he tells me to take my vitamins.

Long story short - I trust him. It's the exact opposite of how I feel about Jenny McCarthy, but I digress...

At this exact moment, I am feeling pretty okay with my pregnancy. I mean that in the sense that I haven't been sick today, I am less tired than usual, and I have yet to experience a mood swing. I am enjoying today. I don't, however, enjoy every day of pregnancy. I don't enjoy the lack of energy. I don't enjoy the fact that I have thrown up more in the last three months than I have in the last 20 years. I don't enjoy that at a mere 13 weeks pregnant none of my god damn jeans fit me properly. I don't enjoy the 11ish pounds I've already gained.

And guess what?! That's okay! I don't have to enjoy those things. I don't have to enjoy every moment because not every moment is enjoyable. That doesn't mean I'm going to be a shit mother or that I don't already love the little creature that resides inside of me.

While I thoroughly appreciate (most of) the advice others give me, not all of it will apply to me. And that's okay. Because this is my pregnancy.